Storyline 1 Part 4: Meditations
by bookworm144
Summary: Is it possible to deal with the fear of second loss on one's own? Is writing enough to come to terms with one's fears?


Title: Digimon Tamers: Meditations

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon Tamers, or any other pertinent aspects of the franchise

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><p>Once again Henry has woken up from another nightmare. Try as hard as he might, even though Terriermon is peacefully sleeping on his pillow next to him, there is simply no way for the young man to overcome these hidden fears of his.<p>

Wondering if writing about his feelings might help him feel a little better, Henry makes his way to his computer, opens the correct program, and begins to type…

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><p>Just as my fellow Tamers were devastated after our defeat of the D-Reaper, so was the sense of loss I felt with the disappearance of Terriermon. My best friend, my closest ally, gone. Without the chance of even properly saying goodbye.<p>

Please don't misunderstand. In time I was able to forgive my father. How could I not? There was never any choice for us during our battle against the D-Reaper, and he had to do what he had to do. Plus, he is my dad, and if there is one thing I cannot do, it's stay mad at him. Him and I are too close, and I know he loves me just as much, if not more, as I love him.

The following months went by quickly and slowly. Quickly, because we were back in school again; slowly, because not a day went by that I did not think of the friendship I had lost. Rika, Takato, and the others are great friends, and I cherish their friendship more than anything else, but nothing could have replaced the bond Terriermon and I shared.

But then, one day I came to school to find Takato the happiest I had ever seen him since Guilmon disappeared. And since Takato is one of the happiest people I know, that is saying something:

"Henry! The portal's back! We can return to the Digital World and find our digimon!"

Needless to say, the impact of this piece of news nearly floored me. Return to the Digital World? Find our digimon? I was over the moon at the prospect, and so that very afternoon Takato, Rika, Jeri, Kenta, Kazu, Ryo, Suzie, and I made our way to Guilmon's old hiding place, crossed through the portal, and immediately found ourselves united with our friends once more.

But then, just when I thought everything was going to be all right, Takato, Terriermon, and I got taken away by a data stream, and deposited in a strange place with the one digimon (save for Zhuqiaomon) who I have dreaded ever meeting again—Gorillamon, digivolved to Mega level ShadowGorillamon.

I won't describe the details of the ensuing battle. It was too painful to be put into words. I will only say that it resulted in the worst outcome I could have imagined: to save me, despite all our efforts, Terriermon had to give up his life.

Once again I was forced to watch the demise of my best friend. Only this time the demise was permanent. All too aware of the fact that digimon in real life aren't reborn into DigiEggs like on the TV show, I thought then and there that I would never see Terriermon again.

When we returned to the Real World, I knew it would be best if I distanced myself from the others. I admit it. Seeing them with their Partners still alive, I became jealous of them. Caught up in my own sadness and selfishness, I knew that I would lash out in my anger. And so I sat under a distant tree, grieving.

But a while later, to my great surprise, I found myself joined by none other than Takato, our leader, if you will. He tried to tell me that all my other friends were there for me, but I couldn't believe him. Not then, anyways. The pain was still too near, and I felt there was no way things would ever be right. For before, though separated by the impassable barriers surrounding the Digital World, I still knew that Terriermon was still alive. There was some comfort in that. Now, nothing.

Finally, after hours of just sitting under that oak tree, Takato said something that got through to me:

"I think that in order for ShadowGorillamon to finally be defeated, both Terriermon's and your power was needed... It was because of that power that Terriermon was able to save you. Right before MegaGargomon de-digivolved, I saw something in his eyes, something I had never truly seen in him before. I saw fear... I think it was only because of you that he was able to do what he did. He did it out of love for you, Henry. And it was your love for him that gave him the strength he needed to do it."

More time passed, and, after thinking on this matter until my head began to hurt, I finally came to realize what Terriermon would have wanted. He wouldn't have wanted to me wallow in misery the rest of my life. Terriermon was always a happy-go-lucky sort of digimon, and he would have wanted me to carry on without his friendship. And thus was I finally able to say what at the time needed to be said:

"Terriermon, thank you for everything you've done for me. You're friendship, your encouragement, your annoying me, your protecting me. Though I complained often, all that was what made you who you are. I will never forget you. Always you will be with me, and I with you, no matter where you are. Thank you… Terriermon…"

Then, to my penultimate surprise, the clearing in which Takato and I sat became filled with emerald light. I think it might have come from my digivice. And then I heard the Four Sovereigns—Zhuqiaomon, Baihumon, Ebonwumon, and Azulongmon. They actually congratulated me, though to this day I have no idea why. And then, to my ultimate joy, they Reconfigured Terriermon! Finally the battle was over, and now Terriermon and I are able to do the thing friends normally do!

The only problem now is that I am afraid. Afraid of what will happen if we have to contend with the Powers of Darkness again. What if I lose Terriermon again? I have already lost him to death once. What if I lose him a second time?

Thinking on this so much has really caused problems for me, leading me to become really depressed and irritable. I know this hurts my friends, especially Takato, Terriermon, and Suzie, but I really don't know what else to do. This is my battle and I have to face it alone. Right?


End file.
